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You’ve always got a smile, a warming hug,
There’s always Arthur curled up on the rug,
There’s always cake and buns around for guests.
Your apple pie has always been the best!

So Nan, three cheers, on this your special day.
“We love you Nan,” is what we’ve got to say.
Enjoy your meal with us all here this evening,
Before you start, best check you’ve got your teeth in!

Extract from a 5 verse poem celebrating Constance’s 75th Birthday


Hurrah, hurray, congrats, well done to you!
A brand new job, no less, is what we’ve heard.
A big step up and more, to pastures new.
Hard work paid off, it’s very well deserved!

Cooked up a great adventure for yourself,
A many layered cake, of big connections
Your friends all raise a glass to your good health,
While you enjoy the buzz of new directions

Extract from”A New Job Sonnet” for a lover of baking


When Steve asked me to be his Best Man, my first response was: Really? Are you sure? I actually KNOW you!

Surely a safer option is someone who hasn’t had to watch you over the years, progress from a geeky and let’s face it unclean teenager, to a geeky and drunken student, to a geeky and shambolic graduate, to the geeky, and at least, finally, clean shaven man before us today.

I feel sure that had the beautiful and dignified Charlotte been witness to this evolution, she may well not have been sitting here today. Let’s be clear: Charlotte has only seen PHOTOS of Steve’s now legendary beard. We had to LIVE with it!

Extract from Best Man Speech – focus very much on previous fashion and appearance choices.


They say the apples in Darkes Forest are different from other apples. They say they’re heavier, that they hang on the branches likes tempting, bulging bags of jewels, rubies and emeralds, glimmering in the dark. They say they gather in brooding bunches, the branches of the trees reaching down, offering the fruit, like serpents to the Adam and Eves that pass by. They say that the best time to harvest the apples of Darkes Forest is by moonlight, when the whispering of the leaves is stilled, when the allure of the apples is reduced to a midnight glimmer, and when the colder air tames them. They say that their skin is richer, smoother, deeper in tone. And what tones. Darke slashes of red, glowing, burning shimmering with temptation. Mossy greens, promising and threatening, offering up their flesh to the eager hands of the farmer. They say the apples of Darkes Forest have come to love the touch of men almost as much as men have come to love their taste.

Extract from voiceover written for product launch of Darkes Cider, Australia